Intention (2024)

I've carved out the raw parts of myself

To mull with cloves, orange, and honey. 

A simmer pot full of good intentions

Stirred with the time and care I've denied myself 

For far too many seasons.

The sourness of citrus is a stinging reminder 

That I'm still here and will continue to be;

A stubborn refusal to disappear with the bang of a gavel 

Or the silent denial of self.

The spice of clove and cinnamon is my silent prayer to past me,

My devotion both not-enough and too-late,

but a penance I need to serve Them regardless.

The soft sweetness of honey 

Is an offering to the future I've closed myself off to;

A world where I am both deserving and accepting of the love 

I so freely give to everyone else. 

I carry this concoction around my home 

Wafting it to the rafters

Filling this space with just a whisper of the life

I know I can create

If only I'd reach out and take a sip.

Liminal (2024)

Liminal

You, my love, 

Are the last ray of sunlight before the 

void of night consumes my very being. 

Entropy has nothing on me, 

all formless and creeping ever closer 

to a limitless state of chaos.

There's an aura of peace when you're around

As comforting and right as the sugar in my tea.

You're the best bits of humanity wrapped up in 

Flannel and cashmere. 

I'm trying to be better for you.

For that version of me only you can see,

On warm nights and cold days;

The St. Elmo's Fire covering who I am, 

Reaching for who I can be

Who I will be.

When I am in my liminal state,

A cyclical shifting between 

What is, what was, and what has never been; 

Liquifying and writhing against every blessing in this world you keep reminding me I am deserving of; 

It's you that guides me back to this plane

A celestial lighthouse in 

The Sea of Dissociation and Hypotheticals.

Your tears are falling stars, 

A beautiful heat death of societal avoidance

A refusal to hide the parts we don't want to see,

Burning bright against convention and fear. 

Touching you reminds me I exist.

Seeing you smile reminds me of 

Life and loving and sunrise.

Knowing you reminds me I too, can be known

And if I can be known, 

Then maybe,

I too, 

Can be loved.

Stray Cats (2024)

Stray Cats

Affection and I have a strained relationship.

We pass one another on the street often,

Some days we headbutt and curl our tails together,

Contented purrs abound.

Others I puff up and spit,

Blood and froth flowing between my teeth,

An animalistic urge to resist 

What is given freely 

For fear of hidden spring traps and clipped ears.

Being known,

Being seen,

Being understood wasn't always

This balancing act of tricking 

Myself into accepting that which 

Others give so easily

So willingly

For them, it's as easy as breathing,

Loving me. 

Showing me they want me around

That my presence is not only tolerated

But desired

Despite my protestations I am simply the biggest inconvenience 

To everyone I have ever met.

And I know, 

Somewhere beneath the deflecting swats and puffed up tail,

That I deserve every moment of softness.

Every tender caress and 

"I want you to be here"

Every "let me care for you"

Every "you're a treat to be around"

Should hold me fast with the same

Calloused hands I run away from when 

I'm choking on insecurity.

I thrash and claw,

Gnashing my teeth and denying it all

Because it's easier to be feared,

To be enigmatic and unreachable,

Than to be held in melee range, waiting

For the dagger to sheath and unsheath 

Between my fourth and fifth rib.

Cozy (2023)

Cozy

Dust bunnies and dog hair combine 

Into a soft filling that notes the difference

Between the Martha Stewart catalog

And the "y'all come visit anytime"

Cobwebs and coffee stains are a sign that perfection doesn't exist here.

Expectation is a word with no meaning.

There are no deadlines or 5-year plans in the kingdom of dryer lint and half-folded laundry.

No take-take-taking.

No no gnawing dread of not enough.

This is a place to cultivate love, grief, fear, and hope as they are;

Raw, unbridled emotions.

Not performing on a stage or hidden in a broom closet, but let out,

Lovingly, 

Like a rescue cat coming out of the carrier for the first time.

There will always be a tea kettle and leftovers nearby

Blankets and comfort shows

Hugs and absorbant shoulders for those that need them.

This is a space for being, no asterisk needed.

{**18+ content**} Binding Freedom Zine (2023)

Binding Freedom

(This is an 18+ work, please DNI if under 18. The original format is a zine, so each stanza is its own page. Check out the photos for the cover art, made by yours truly.)

Ropes of black

and green

slide through

Their fingers

with the 

unimpeded grace

of the Serpent

through Eden.

Slithering

around me,

A familiar

feeling of

electric tension

builds in my

core.

The urge to resist

becomes a distant

memory as I'm

coiled into

hitched ties and 

breaths.

In tightening each 

knot, They loosen

my grip on the 

reins,

Freeing me from

the burden of

control and

conformity.

I've never felt

closer to

salvation than

when bount at the

mercy of Their

confident,

calloused hands.

What I wouldn't

give to experience

this moment for eternity.

-   -   -

If you want a physical copy of any of my zines, they're available for purchase! Email me at radiostationpet@gmail.com with the subject line "Zine Inquiry" and I'll be happy to send you as many as you'd like. 

{**18+ content**} Kadan Zine (2023)

Kadan

(This is an 18+ work, please DNI if under 18. This work is a love letter to Dragon Age: Inquisition's NPC, The Iron Bull. The original format is a zine, so each stanza is its own page. Check out the photos for the cover art, made by yours truly.)

How sweet of them 

to let me taste 

perfection at the 

convergence of 

their powerful 

thighs.

To allow me the 

honor of hearing 

them sing my 

praises with a 

vice grip on my 

horns.

The trust they 

have in me to 

finally let go.

Unburdened,

Unashamed.

What an honor it

is to be a part of

something so

primal,

So human.

They're the reason 

I wonder if I'm 

even a monster at

all.

-  -  -  

If you want a physical copy of any of my zines, they're available for purchase! Email me at radiostationpet@gmail.com with the subject line "Zine Inquiry" and I'll be happy to send you as many as you'd like. 

{**18+ content**} Attraction Zine (2023)

Attraction

(This is an 18+ work, please DNI if under 18. The original format is a zine, so each stanza is its own page. Check out the photos for the cover art, made by yours truly.)

They talk about

chisled jawlines

and shapely

thighs the way

retired dad's talk

about horsepower

and torque.

While I can

appreciate a hot

rod when one

presents itself,

I'm not looking

for a pretty

paint job.

Do their fingers

curve around their

glass or cigarette

the same way

they'd curl over

my body?

Is the diameter of

their grip similar

to that of my

tightest necklace?

Would I like to 

look up at them

from my knees,

soaking up praises

reserved for me 

and God, if she's

listening?

Does their smile

look like it would

tear into me just

as quickly as it

would moan my 

name?

-   -   -

If you want a physical copy of any of my zines, they're available for purchase! Email me at radiostationpet@gmail.com with the subject line "Zine Inquiry" and I'll be happy to send you as many as you'd like.